


Repetition

by Goodluckdetective (scorpiontales)



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Can be read as gen, Implied Relationships, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 09:10:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8007433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiontales/pseuds/Goodluckdetective
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s hard to remember things, after he dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Repetition

It’s hard to remember things, after he dies.

Gabriel tries, he really tries. When he wakes up in a grave with the dirt freshly laid, he can almost remember everything clearly in his tomb, the man he used to be, the man he became. When he escapes, ghosting out into smaller pieces, it’s still clear as a bell. He knows the name on his tomb belongs to him. He knows the statue on top of his grave is how he used to look like. He can remember his personal revolt against Jack, how he thought Overwatch had been behind the list of sins in his back pocket, the look on Jack’s face when both of them realized the true culprit for both their grievances was neither man in front of them.

He remembers how the explosion felt as well. He doesn’t want to. Burning to death is not a sensation anyone wishes to keep in mind.

He drifts for a bit. It’s easier. Tries to ignore the mix of regret and jealousy when he sees Jack’s grave months later, a statue twice as big as his. He fades. He comes back. Lives on the precipice of death to the point where he sees a mural of the grim reaper and thinks “yes, that is a man I can relate to.”

Reaper is born soon after, a Freelance agent, a ghost in the wind. Fragments of a man stitched together as this….zombie. He works harder than he ever did before, sneaking into organizations he knows to possibly be at fault, dirtying his hands more and more. It was always his business, the blood work. Fitting he should spend his afterlife soaked in it.

It’s only months later that the side effects become clear, that he realizes that his state of constant rebirth may be more of a curse than he figures. Because one day, Gabriel Reyes looks at a picture of Jesse McCree and can’t remember his name, only the word “ingrate” filling his mind.

The truth becomes terribly clear after that. Everytime Reaper falls apart, he puts himself back together, mind included. Everytime he smokes somewhere, his body changes, switches around, makes itself anew. And so does his brain.

Nothing ever said his brain had to come back exactly the same each time.

He tries to stop it, tries to hault it before it gets bad. He avoids using his newfound powers, tries to keep from reassembling himself as much as possible. He keeps a journal on hand, starts to write in his memories while he’s sure they’re correct, while he’s still Gabe.

_Jesse McCree hasn’t been an ingrate since he saved his ass in Dorado._

_Ana always did her best by the both of them and deserved more than she ever got._

_Reinhardt didn’t deserve what Overwatch gave him._

_Genji worked too hard, and he left because Gabe didn’t ever bother to ask if he was alright._

_He loved Jack Morrison long before he hated him._

It works for a little. At least, until Talon starts knocking, curious about the absence of their favorite freelancer. He takes more jobs, keeps his cover, tells himself this will be worth it, in the end. That he will be able to find out what happened in exchange for a lost kiss, a  forgotten smile.

But what memories one keeps are not so easily chosen. Things fall away fast, Jack smiling at him with the stupid sunset lighting up his hair, McCree slinging his hand over his shoulder and grinning wide, Ana offering him a cup of her favorite tea during a stakeout that looked to never end. More practical things go with it. He forgets about the diary. He forgets why he works for Talon besides a paycheck. Sometimes, he forgets why the name Gabriel Reyes is written on a journal he doesn’t remember keeping.

Memories twist. They shift. Build themselves up wrong, layer themselves in the wrong order. Shift into something worthy of the Reaper to keep in a notebook.

Gabe dies.  

_Jesse McCree was an ingrate who left him to dry all over a stupid arm._

Gabriel Reyes is born again.

_Ana cared more about Jack then she ever did about Gabe._

Gabriel Reyes dies.

_Reinhardt was an old man with flights of fancy._

Commander Reyes is born again.

_Genji was a bastard who they should have left to die for all he gave them._

Commander Reyes dies.

_Jack Morrison was the worst thing that ever happened to him._

Reaper is born again.

He forgets the journal a month later. Leaves it in a safehouse he doesn’t bother to clean out.

A man with a visor finds it. Flips through the pages. Tucks it in his back pocket. Leaves.

If he opens it every so often to read the first page, the words written there in handwriting he knows by heart, he does not speak of it.


End file.
